First- shout out to US Women's Soccer Team! Sorry I gave up on you in the last few minutes, my bad. Ok now with that out of the way, if anyone is paying attention to dates it will be very obvious that I have not written anything in about 2 months. I would like to take that as a positive sign as I am not experiencing any angst....but alas that is simply not true. I'll tell you what's been different is Casey has been home and I have wanted to hang out with him instead of write.
What's going on now is a few things that seem to be new territory. I am beginning to wrap my brain around how old I am. That's fucking wake up call huh? I feel 25 and yet somehow I am not 25. You would think that my body would let me know that but no it keeps its mouth shut. I'll tell you when I first started grasping this concept.....watching old reruns of Sex and the City. Some of which arrived in 2000. I was 23 I think in 2000. And then I think, "Oh my God, that was 11 years ago" This show still seems like current culture to me....then it hits me! 11 years ago, how old am I now?
Case and point, my Kim argued that she was 35 and she's not, she's 34. When does it happen that we start to forget how old we are? And isn't something supposed to happen by age 34? Aren't I supposed to feel grown up and accomplished? I refuse to believe that I am the only one this happens to.
When I was 23, I probably would have told you that I would be married and have kids by age 34. I'd own a house, have been to Europe, be living in Dallas. I also probably would have said that I would be financially secure and be kicking ass as some kind of corporate rock star or own my own business. None of these is true.
What is true is I have a wonderful partner who loves and cherishes me and shows it. What is true is that I have a Mom who loves me and is my biggest cheerleader. What is true is that I spend much of my time struggling to pay bills and focusing my energy on helping others who are not as fortunate as me. What is true is that I can play soccer better now than in my younger years. What is true is that I am damn smart. What is true is that I can't imagine doing anything else than what I am doing right now.
Maybe new developments will occur...well of course they'll occur because Life is change. I'll tell you one thing I could not have told you at age 23....that I would be happier at age 34. So for me, out with old expectations for myself and in with new ones that foster my development as a human being, not in a certain role at a certain age.
"Life is what we make of it, always has been, always will be" -Grandma Moses (I don't know who this is but I love the saying)
Aging is a good thing, but cuious sometimes. And Grandma Moses is a wonderful American folk artist. Case and point in aging, she was named "Young Woman of the Year" by Mademoiselle magazine when she was a mere 88 years old.
ReplyDeleteHow do you think I feel?! But like you, I am happier and more content now. I don't sweat the small stuff and I realize what is small and what is big in my life. And it is so very different than what it would have been years ago! Thanks for giving us a time to contimplate on how our lives have changed and to realize that it really IS for the better. Even if it's just our atittude!
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