I won!

So my parent has waited out the temper tantrum of the child. Just like real kids, parents can wait them out. Over the last couple days, in lieu of slamming cabinets doors, I continued to talk to myself and reason with myself. Whatever emotions came up, which was crying for me, I allowed to come up. I had to remind myself that I won't cry forever and had to remind myself that maybe this crying was something I needed. Even with all the work I have put into myself over the past 5 years which was A LOT, I find that I continue to control this release process. To my credit, it is much much less than in the past, and I still do it. I am aware of it in the moment and it is still hard to let go. That emotion is so strong which is why I have to reason with myself.

*Side note: 3 baby deer and a Momma deer are right in front of my window right now. I consider this a sign that I am on the right path.

Additionally, over the past few days when I was reasoning with my child, I happened upon some lessons. They seemed random at the time. The first lesson that came into my life was saying "thank you" in times of crisis. Saying thank you in hard times suggests that your faith is so strong that you recognize the situation is temporary and you'll be back on track eventually. Eventually may look like a couple days or months. So once I heard this, I began to say thank you to the universe of sending me so many blessings. This deflated the child.

I was watching Oprah and say previous guests that had dealt with real catastrophes, one woman killed her daughter by leaving her in a hot car on accident. Another woman's ex-husband killed all 4 of her children. I don't even want to know grief like that. That put things in perspective for my child. After seeing this show, I just made a choice that anger (even fueled by hormones) was simply not worth my time. I affected my relationship with Casey, taking care of my newly neutered puppy, and my "Leah" time. Who wants to hang out with someone that's pissed? I didn't even want to hang out with myself...that's another sign that I needed to chose a different path.

My hope and goal is that I realize these things in the moment rather than days later, and I think this is my own process and as long as I practice I will get there. Practice....a word that many people don't understand. Many people believe that they have to accept whats going on now and have no control on changing it, and I say "NO". I am in charge of my life and in charge of how I feel. I can find the balance between acknowledging unwanted feelings and living in the positive.

"I know for sure that what we dwell on is who we become" -Oprah Winfrey