Me versus Me

Do you ever feel like there is some sort of internal battle where you struggle between something that feels good and doing the right thing? This war pisses me off. I am so angry that I have to choose. Why can't doing the right thing feel really good too. Sometimes it does feel good if I'm being honest, and there are times when I want to throw a holy tantrum like a 2 yr old because I am not getting my way! It's like the parent in me and the child in me are fighting.....and too many times the kid wins.

I'm angry right now. I have no rational reason for the anger (which makes me think it's hormones) but it's there. I feel frustrated and impatient. There are so many things I want to do and I have either no ideas or vague ideas about how to go about doing them. I know many blogs are about someone doing something and then digitally journaling about it, but I am not even at that point. I thought this would be a good idea on how to unite people through emotion and right now I am doubting that. I notice going into this project that I had expectations for it rather than letting it take on a process of its own.

With my hands laying still on the keyboard, I wonder what else needs to be said. I feel stuck. I feel frustrated. I feel impatient. I feel discouraged. And I feel doubt. Am I on the right path? Am I going to be able to leave the world a better place than when I entered it? Does anyone care about this stuff now that there are ways to "connect" but not really connect? My kid wants to pound on the keys right now so I feel better. She also wants to slam cabinet doors and scream so I feel better. But I don't do that...I type.I type like the parent in me tells me to. Right now that feels inferior.

"Maturity of mind is the capacity to endure uncertainty"- John Finley